Real Feelings

Because things aren't always peaches and cream and we would be fooling the world if that's what we wanted them to think.. 

I know writing about real feelings and real things can be uncomfortable to do..

AND to read.

But this is my way of expressing how I am feeling or experiencing at the moment, 

so I hope everyone who reads this respects that...

My poems are written for many reasons, sometimes I write how I think someone else is feeling or something I am personally feeling 

or going through. 

Anyway. 

Enough with the blabber....read on. 

My following poem is called Real Feelings:

I hate being vulnerable . I hate feeling

I hate loving, I hate living

I hate tears when they drop, I hate that dealy

Tears are for the weak,

Don't you get that?

….silly.

Silly of me.

I gotta tell myself, “Get with the program.

Is all about not caring at all

Is all about who you do and don't know

Who you have and who you really don't.”

I struggle in what feels like “everyday” in my life

I cry for days and no one looks at me twice

I guess they think it's normal for me to cry

I guess It's normal for me to feel

But late at night, I am up sobbing,

I pull my hair and rock myself

I want to drag a knife to my heart, cus…………

that's how I deal

With all the reject and the words that come stabbing at my back

or my heart?

I lost track…...

because now a days everything hurts.

Everything!

Especially my eyes.

Sometimes just my eyes…

everything else goes numb,

and my mind is so dumb

for thinking what it is thinking

While I'm in here writing

While I'm in here hurting,

everyone else is out having fun.

I wanna be happy too!

At least for once...

*****Morning Alarm*****

Sorry.

I fell asleep on the thought of being happy.

Man….I woke up to see another day.

Another day...

I have to see ANOTHER DAY!

Not sure if I woke up thankful to be alive or disappointed that I didn't die

In my sleep I wish,

well I wish I could just go peacefully

That way my family will never know how slowly you've been actually killing me.

I know you hate that I'm writing how I'm feeling.

Especially if it’s something real.

But My cousin told me not to be scared to feel

Express yourself, because nobody else will…..

So I will.

Because if not, it won’t be my poems you’ll be reading

It’ll be my will.

So….Don’t bottle in what you feel..

and that… is how you really heal.

-Jaqueline