Bad Habits Killed the Rabbit

Do you or do you not love my title to this post?

OKAY! HAPPY FRIDAY TO EVERYONE!


So back in July I wrote two posts 1) Follow Me on My Journey and 2) Party Week is Over. I suggest you read those in that order, if you haven't already, in order to really grasp the meaning and value of this post.


It is January 12, 2018. Crazy right?!


I am just stalling on this post because I don't know how to begin to say what I need to say. How typical of me.
 
I was really nervous when I wrote "Follow Me on My Journey" because that was the first time I made it public that I wanted to lose weight but I am soooooooo glad I wrote it because now I am able to go back and read how excited and nervous I was to start this really difficult journey.


Not long after I wrote "Follow Me on My Journey," I wrote "Party Week is Over." This post was really funny to read but also an eye-opener for me. I saw how hard it was for me to be motivated especially when things got off to a bad start. I just kept making bad decisions.

July was when I decided to go on this Weight Loss Journey and that is when I hired my personal trainer. I stopped going in October when I was hired to work in San Francisco, the commute was too much to keep up with.

I was determined to NOT GIVE UP, therefore I joined Weight Watchers in November.

Weight Watchers is all about healthy foods, healthy eating, healthy portions, healthy, healthy, healthy. I KNEW this was going to definitely be a challenge for me because food is my weakness.

It is now January 12, 2018 and I just found out that........ I lost a total of 13 pounds since July 2017!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Possibly 15 but I didn't take my boots off because that's a hassle. (knee high boots)) I know that may not be a lot to some people, but it is a HUGE deal for me. I found out the total I had lost because I went in to my Health App which I got when I started with my trainer and I saw the weight I had entered at the time.

13 POUNDS! I have never lost that much weight. I have GAINED that much, but I never LOST that much.


Thanks to WW, I have changed my eating habits and it has helped me mentally as well. I also lost a pound during all these Holidays, soooo that's awesome!!


The biggest thing for me is the way WW changed my mentality. I have not reached my goal yet and it is still very hard for me to eat right, but here I am, continuing on this journey.


Special thanks to my sister, Orlenda Herrera for supporting me and being my personal cheerleader. To my co-worker Donna, who puts up with my extreme grocery shopping at Trader Joe's during our lunch, waiting as I scan everything to make sure it is low on points. To my dog Rambo for being my emotional support and my best friend.

THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ! I hope this helps someone and encourages someone today.

I'll be posting just random pictures I have taken of my food, sorry in advance for the bad quality of the pictures, they were taken from my iPhone. (hehe)










 

 



                       

-Jaqueline Herrera :)

Only Words

"Happy Friday to everyone who is reading and will be reading this post," said Jaqueline about 3 weeks ago when she actually wrote this. LOL

So, I am sorry for the long post and just keep in mind I wrote this a little while back. I am finally going to publish it because I just wasn't sure before.

Today, (as in 3 weeks ago) I want to just (try to) talk about a couple of things. I am going to treat this post like pieces of paper from a diary. I am as open and transparent as I can be but sometimes the lack of being shut up for pretty much my whole life, has made it hard to open my heart and mind but mostly my mouth to the things I feel inside. With all the honesty in the world I write down these words hoping that maybe it'll reach at least one person who can relate and mostly I am writing because writing always helps me feel better. Sorry if I lose my train of thought.

This isn't perfectly written, I may have some typos, some run on sentences, horrible punctuation but just keep reading and bare with me.

First of all and MOST importantly, I want to say that I love my family, I love the way I was raised because it has made me who I am today. I appreciate my dad so much for being the type of dad he was to me. Although most people didn't and wont understand it or see eye to eye with his ways, the way my dad raised me made me into a person that people enjoy to be around and love, someone who is hardworking, smart, independent and in a weird sense he made me strong. I am grateful for the way my life has been so far although it has not been easy.

That being said, I share with all of you reading, some of my deepest feelings today. I don't know how to start but here we go.

How I've felt my whole life:

Ever since I can remember, I have always felt useless and as if I am not good enough and I know I am not the only one who has felt that way. After years and years of not getting an "I am proud of you daughter" from my parents, my older sister sat me down and said this to me, "You have to do things for yourself."

AND SO I DID.

Now?
 I know that my parents are proud, because how can they not be? I've been doing pretty darn good for the past 4 years on my own.

BUT, that's just my family part of things.

What about my person, my self, my feelings about me, my self esteem, my self confidence, my trust in people, my trust in him and Him and me, and what about my SELF LOVE? My mind is funny.... it plays tricks on me. Telling me I'm not what I am and am what I am not. Not only my mind but there are people who try to come in my life and tell me that I am things I know I am far from.

I've had some really bad people come in my life, and when I was younger, there was no one to protect me from it. As I got older, I didn't know how to protect myself from the monster.......

and the monsters that followed after that one.

I just did what I knew to do, and that was LOVE. The amount of love that I give is too much for my own good. Crazy right?

People will not love you the way you love them and they will not do for you what you do for them, they will not treat you, respect you, appreciate you, cherish you, admire you, hold you, kiss you, miss you, please you, understand you..... like you do them... And that's life.

I have been put down, thrown down, spit on and stepped on and I stay down for long periods of time sometimes. I stay down and no one can pick me up but the person who threw me down. But the only thing they do is push me down harder as I try to get up.... and that delays my getting up.

UNTIL: One Day.....

I couldn't believe my eyes as I ran up to the door to tell you the good news I had... I couldn't believe it... "Oh no" the little voices in my head said... "Oh no, not again."

I begged for the truth..

Your mouth told me lies
but I could see the truth clearly coming from your eyes.
They say the eyes are the windows to a soul...
something like that at least, I've heard it many times before.
and now all I see is a dirty mind
and I cant shake the thoughts that you surely left in mine.
I'm pretty sure this is not the second time.
I cant shake the feeling and the hurt that others left behind
Don't even apologize, trust me.... i'll be fine.
the fact that you said my heart would be better off in your hands
I've been hurt so many times before, I promise this will come to pass
Surprised tears even came out, I really thought I had none left .
I was starting to get concerned, if the water in my body was at all wet...
Honestly I don't even know what I write anymore.
I need to go shopping for some lines at the kurt brodie store...

THE END PEOPLE...... THE END OF THIS POST....

Thanks for reading amigos, come back for more of my none sense, some sense, and for my two cents.

WHAT JAQUELINE???

IDK anymore (insert laughing emoji)

-Jaqueline Herrera

My Dreams Became More Real

My nightmares used to follow me in to the real life.
Now they don’t even come out at night.
I told all my sorrows goodbye.
Because one day I decided to walk forward and smile
That was better than falling to my knees to cry.
Now I’m happy all the time.
Because my dreams became more real than the nightmares that haunted my life

Thanks to everyone who reads.

-Jaqueline Herrera

Frenemy

First and foremost: Messy hair, Don’t Care

The important thing about healing is that you learn to be open about your feelings... here’s a poem I wrote a while back... I’m not ashamed to write about REAL LIFE, REAL FEELINGS...

My heart feels tired and it needs a break

A break from the hurt, the pain and the constant hate 

I need time to heal, time to build myself up 

I got broken down to the point of no love

Thats where im at . 

I got no faith, no love, no hope

Everything stripped from me and I gave it all

Once again, I gave it all

After this there’s nothing left of me 

Nothing left to give 

Stripped down to just my humility and my low self esteem

See through like a window but reflective like a mirror

A window you can't break and a mirror you look into. 

Crazy , Psycho, but we all got our issue.

You can try to hide it but you also have a mirror.

Fool the world into thinking you’re something you’re not

But at the end, there’s no one left and you’re all you’ve got

And if you’re not happy with that 

then you just found your worst enemy

I know cus myself never been a friend to me

I am my worst bestest best frenemy

.

.

.

I have learned to love me for me regardless of what others have done to not love me... 

Still Breathing

I feel like I’m drowning...
I almost hit rock bottom but then I was brought to reality...
I woke up and realized I’m still breathing,
so I haven’t even gone under yet, apparently
Apparently I’m still above water
And I was reminded to just keep swimming..
Reality ..

Apparently.

Beautiful lines keep me alive .
They keep my blood running to mind.
Ignoring my heart and keeping my mind from pressing rewind.
We just press the forward button
My eyes focused on what I set them on.
Everything from before comes out as lyrics and songs,
Eventually.
Loving my life, living my life shamelessly.
Loving my life, living my life successfully.
Eventually

-Jaqueline Herrera

Marks on her Heart

Marks on her forearms like I've never seen

The marks go up to her shoulders and places that can't be seen

Like on her heart much deeper than the ones on her skin

Oh love, where have you been?

Where have you been for this woman I see

She's fine while I watch her watching me

But what happens behind the scenes?

I just want to approach her and tell her I love her

I don't even know her but I know what hurt her

Love.

or the lack thereof.

You've been stuck in this room in your head that you can't get out of .

Head down, bowed down to the devil

Straight down, that's how he gets you

Look up to the one, that's your refuge

Look up to the one, He can save you!!

I know what you see looking at me doesn't match up to what I'm sayin

But best believe when I'm feeling your pain, I'm down on my knees prayin

With much love to the girl on bart

Wherever you are

Wherever you go

-Jaqueline Herrera

R.I.P Tito

It’s been almost a month since Tito passed away. Tito passed on September 18, 2017. Things have not been the same since. We used to feel comfortable leaving the doors unlocked because we knew that he would tear anyone up that tried to come in the gate, now we have to lock the front door because Rambo won’t hurt anyone 😂

The other day, I had cops show up at the front door accusing me of animal cruelty. I couldn’t believe it. When I refused to give them any further information, they called for backup!!!! I was like, “seriously, go save a life or something.”

Could not believe it... ridiculous.

R.I.P Tito ♥️ 09.18.2017